Obesity is one of the biggest, if not the biggest health problem in America. It affects all genders and all ages, and while genetics play a roll in causing obesity, so do unhealthy diets, physical inactivity and depressed income. While much research is being done on the prevention of obesity, the steady increase of this health condition in the U.S over the past two decades has made it an epidemic that remains a challenge to health professionals as well as a threat to the lives of the people affected. Studies show that obesity diminishes health and shortens life spans. There are no easy solutions but, there are steps one can take to lose weight and reduce the chances of becoming overweight and obese.
American society and the peoples' lack of self responsibility are both part of the reason why the obesity rates are so high in the United States. Fast food and foods that are high in fat and sugar are being aggressively marketed. Studies show that from the 1980's leading to the twenty-first century sales of fast-food restaurants have substantially increased. (Greenbalt). The busy lifestyles in America are causing people not to be nearly as physically active as they should be. Schools are cutting back on physical education and recess time, in favor of academics. (denise). Research has also shown that there is a direct correlation between obesity and people of low income. (Drewnowski, darmon).
The marketing and promotion of unhealthy foods all over TV, video games and websites has been a contributor in demand increases for the specific foods or drinks. Food products that are specifically shown to a younger audience are usually high in sugar, sodium, or fat. (Mantel). Research done at Yale University has shown that kids who spend three hours or more a day watching TV will see around 10,000 commercials for fast food a year. (denise). However, in 2006, steps in reducing advertising of unhealthy products were taken. Coca Cola, Hershey's, Cadbury and Mars teamed up with the Council of Better Business Bureaus to launch the Children's Food and Beverage Advertising Imitative and promised to market and advertise products of higher nutritional quality. Billions of dollars were spent on this change of advertising and putting together public service announcements. Researchers from University of Illinois, Chicago found that advertising for sweet products dramatically decreased. However, Mantel's Analysis fails to discuss junk food advertisement aimed at grown folks and how it affects them.
dollhaus
There are several problems. Here are those that showed up on a quick scan - not necessarily all.
There was enough here that I didn't really get into sentence structure.
Obesity is one of the biggest, if not the biggest[,] health problemS in America. It affects all genders and all ages, and while genetics PLAYS a roll in causing obesity, so do unhealthy diets, physical inactivity [add serial comma here or omit below. Pick one way and stick to it!] and depressed income. While much research is being done on the prevention of obesity, the steady increase of this health condition in the [ You used U.S here and United States below. Pick one.] over the past two decades has made it an epidemic that remains a challenge to health professionals as well as a threat to the lives of the people affected. Studies show that obesity diminishes health and shortens life spans. There are no easy solutions[,] but[ ] there are steps one can take to lose weight and reduce the chances of becoming overweight and obese.
American society and the PEOPLE'S lack of self[-]responsibility are both part of the reason [ why = extraneous word. ] the obesity rates are so high in the United States. Fast food and foods that are high in fat and sugar are being aggressively marketed. Studies show that from the 1980's leading to the twenty-first century[,] sales of fast-food restaurants have substantially increased.[So, more restaurants were sold? 'sales at' or 'sales from' or 'fast-food restaurant sales' (Greenbalt). The busy lifestyles in America [Not the U. S. or United States? Pick one and stick with it!] are causing people not to be nearly as physically active as they should be. Schools are cutting back on physical education and recess time[ ] in favor of academics. (denise)[Denise, maybe?]. Research has also shown that there is a direct correlation between obesity and people of low income. (Drewnowski, darmon [Darmon?]).
The marketing and promotion of unhealthy foods all over TV, video games and websites [HAVE - marketing and promotion = two things] been a contributor in demand increases for the specific foods or drinks. Food products that are specifically shown to a younger audience are usually high in sugar, sodium, [See above - take this comma out or add one above.] or fat. (Mantel). Research done at Yale University has shown that kids who spend three hours or more a day watching TV will see around 10,000 commercials for fast food a year. (denise [Doesn't Denise deserve a capital?]). However, in 2006[ ]steps in reducing advertising of unhealthy products were taken. Coca Cola, Hershey's, Cadbury [Comma or not - depends on what you did above.] and Mars teamed up with the Council of Better Business Bureaus to launch the Children's Food and Beverage Advertising Imitative and promised to market and advertise products of higher nutritional quality. Billions of dollars were spent on this change of advertising and putting together public service announcements. Researchers from University of Illinois, Chicago [The school calls itself University of Illinois at Chicago. You should also.] found that advertising for sweet products dramatically decreased. However, Mantel's Analysis [Is that a title? If so, OK; otherwise, lower case 'a'.] fails to discuss junk food advertisement aimed at grown folks [Since this is a somewhat scholarly review, how about using 'adults'?] and how it affects them.
Orignal From: How does this short literature review look so far? Concerned about sentence structure..?
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